she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
