I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
