hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize