I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
