Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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