when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
