If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize