I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
