i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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