i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
