just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize