I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I party with great urgency now.
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