I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The struggles of a small town man whore
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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