this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
