I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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