Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
