everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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