It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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