we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
