What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
