we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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