if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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