drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
