"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
