Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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