It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize