Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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