i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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