It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize