Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
