new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
