How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
