If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize