She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I want a musical about memes.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
