I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
