Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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