every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
