Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
