Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
