I'm gonna have a badass scar
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
