he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
