BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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