I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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