We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
