Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
