I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we're making bets on your personal life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
