What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
