I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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