we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
