i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
