we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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