I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
