I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
