u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
