We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
