the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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