now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
