did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I didn't notice because vodka
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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