So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I skipped work to stalk him.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
