wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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