I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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