I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize