I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
