Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
