My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
