I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
