I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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